Remember: They Are Not Your Friends – And You Are on Duty

Posted on 21. Feb, 2010 by Kerry Banks in Living

OLYMPICS UPDATE

The Politeness Awards: And we thought the Canadians had that one down pat

“A smile denotes warmth, openness and friendliness. Smile gently and with sincerity. But be careful not to overdo it. False smiles can look artificial and never-ending smiles can invite suspicion.”

Instructions from Reverend Sun Myung Moon to his Moonie recruiters? No, this is a passage from Vancouver’s Olympic Protocol Guide, as distributed to 600 city staff members who have been reassigned to Olympic duties during the 2010 Winter Games.

The 120-page handbook offers tips on a wide range of protocol issues, including seating arrangements, proper conversation topics and personal grooming. It is supposed to ensure that our civic workers behave properly while dealing with the bevy of visiting politicians, royalty and business tycoons.

The grooming details are quite specific. For example. “Hair should be kept tidy yet stylish. A neat appearance isn’t enough. You must be exemplary all the time. Others will infer qualities of your [city] from your appearance and behaviour.”

“Never dress in clothes that are too tight,” it reads. “They make a slim person look gaunt and a large person look heavier.” Short socks are another fashion faux pas. As the guide astutely notes: “If they are too short, they may show bare leg when you sit down.”

Bare leg! My god, how offensive.

Under a section titled “Humility” the guide instructs: “You never say, ‘That’s not my job.’ There is nothing too demeaning, too demanding or just plain beneath you. If you are not comfortable opening car doors, holding umbrellas or pitching baggage, then you need to find another job.”

Evidently, complete submission is demanded.

The handbook also instructs civic employees to “remember that Protocol Smile.’ It ought to get larger the worse things get from your perspective. Let them think you are in complete control.”

Those assigned to dignitaries are warned: “You may get close to certain dignitaries and spend a great deal of time with them. But remember: you are not their friend and you are always on duty.”

Good advice if you ask me. Don’t be taken in by those chummy handshakes and phony regal smiles.

The manual goes on to say: “Look your best – smile, be confident, cheery, upbeat, positive. Even if you are nervous and unsure if what you are doing is correct, do not let the dignitary see that side of you.”

The guide also advises that people stay hydrated, take bathroom breaks whenever there is time, avoid jangling the change in their pockets, and avoid talking about politics, religion or marital problems.

Avoid jangling change in your pocket?

This may sound like a joke, but it isn’t. Taxpayer dollars were spent producing this advice, though exactly how much it cost to prodcue the manual has yet to be revealed. Presumably this unsightly detail would be filed under (section 5.8) “Embarrassing Situations,” where the guide advises: “Try to move the individual out of hearing range of others, and quietly tell them, ‘Your trousers’ zipper is open.’”

If you feel an urgent need to brush up your etiquette, you can view the contents of the Olympic Protocol Guide on Flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/citycaucus/sets/72157623282871864/show/

Remember: the whole world is watching.

Tags: 2010 Winter Olympics & Paralympic Games, Olympic Protocol Guide